her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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