:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
