i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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