Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
