So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?