on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.