Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?