i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.