I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.