shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....