im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?