So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
