Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
