pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
