my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
