I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
