we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize