If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
