the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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