So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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