This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
