so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
