You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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