I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
