dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
