I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
