You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
