when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
