Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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