They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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