I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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