I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
