Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
