he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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