We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
