I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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