this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
