well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
