there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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