Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
