my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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