dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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