This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
