He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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