I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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