i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
