I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
