You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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