He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
