you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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