3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
