the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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