what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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