we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
