so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
