I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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