why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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