You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
