We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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