i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
