i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
