im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
