just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
