It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
