when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
