My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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