but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
