My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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