I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
