Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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