Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
