I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
