My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
