i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
