WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
