Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
