I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
