either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
