You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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