Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
