my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
