Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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