Cold hands, warm shart.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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