Duck Duck Cougar?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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