Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
